My mother taught me

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:


　　"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

　　My mother taught me religion:

　　"You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet."

　　My mother taught me about time travel:

　　"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

　　My mother taught me logic:

　　"Because I said so, that's why!"

　　My mother taught me foresight:

　　"Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

　　My mother taught me about contortion:

　　"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

　　My mother taught me about stamina:

　　"You'll sit there'til all that spinach is finished."

　　My mother taught me about weather:

　　"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

　　My mother taught me how to solve physics problems:

　　"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

　　My mother taught me about hypocrisy:

　　"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

　　My mother taught me about envy:

　　"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"